Best man jokes for weddings in Sep-2013

Browse below for timely and topical material in ready-to-use best man speech form. A last minute addition to your script that connects a news story that has only just broken to a wedding day theme will show the audience just how razor sharp, witty and informed you are.

Displaying 7 topical best man speech jokes

  1. The bridesmaids look fantastic, of course, but if you’re thinking of trying your luck later on, remember Luis Suarez last year - you might get a nibble but there’ll be Hell to pay afterwards.

  2. Lots of photos today, of course... Oddly enough, it was exactly four years ago, on August the 6th, 2011, that (Groom) had his last significant photograph taken… by the security camera at the Croydon branch of Dixons, mid-riot. How’s the widescreen telly holding up, (Groom)?

  3. (For weddings September 30)
    For those scientists among you, this wedding day also marks the anniversary on which Alexander Fleming accidentally discovered penicillin in an unwashed petri dish. I mention this because of (Groom's) aversion to household chores. Remember, it's not that he's lazy but that he's attempting to become a genius...

  4. It’s going to be a wild night for the newlyweds. (Groom) asked me if there was anything he should do to prepare for tonight. I gave him my wife’s copy of 50 Shades of Grey and told him to memorise all the dog-eared bits.

  5. Some people seem to be growingly sceptical about marriage and its place in current society. Let me quash these doubts with two little words: Free. Booze.

  6. In this age of endless reality shows, it’s heart-warming to see two people who are genuinely in love, with absolutely no need for the spotlight and no aim to cash in on their emotions. By the way, later on (Groom) and (Bride) will be selling HD quality DVDs of their wedding for £30 a copy.

  7. In these times of austerity it's important to budget correctly for a wedding although to (Groom), a "triple dip recession" is when you run out of guacamole, salsa and hummus.