Speech Ideas

Best man jokes for weddings in Apr-2011

Browse below for timely and topical material in ready-to-use best man speech form. A last minute addition to your script that connects a news story that has only just broken to a wedding day theme will show the audience just how razor sharp, witty and informed you are.

Displaying 6 topical best man speech jokes

  1. I remember the last wedding I went to. It was in the function room of the Tate Gallery. The groom got plastered and ended up with red wine, gravy and vomit all down the front of his white suit. He left it balled up in a corner and had to pay the rental company for a new one. Fortunately, he got his money back when the Tate sent him his Turner Prize winnings.

  2. Building the perfect marriage is like building a Libyan democracy. If you obey her laws, put pictures of her up all over the place, and make a massive fuss on anniversary days, it’s easy enough to keep the tyrant happy.

  3. I’d like to talk about the groom’s wild past but unfortunately, due to the last minute imposition of a High Court Super-injunction, I’m only legally permitted to tell you the following story. On an unspecified night, myself and an unnamed individual travelled to an unspecified location and, after a discussion of subject or subjects undisclosed, an event occurred that was captured on Google Maps Street View... And that, in a nutshell, is how Steve ended up receiving a fixed penalty notice for defecating in a public place.

  4. A lot of fuss has been made about the fact that the future Queen of England is only two generations removed from Durham mining stock, but I’m sure the Royal family took this in their stride. After all, Fergie got to be Duchess of York, and she’s only two onions, three turnips and four hours of simmering removed from Herefordshire beef stock.

  5. Marriage is like a nuclear reactor. Keep it well maintained and it will warm your home and light your lives forever. Damage the core, and the fall-out will last for 30 years … and quite possibly mess your kids up.

  6. Marriage is a bit like a coalition government with two sometimes very different voices clambering to be heard. At times, the relationship may become strained. But at least these two won’t have to worry about Vince Cable squatting in the corner of their honeymoon suite, bleating on and on about what a terrible mistake it was to get into bed with each other in the first place.