Best man jokes for weddings in Feb-2012

Browse below for timely and topical material in ready-to-use best man speech form. A last minute addition to your script that connects a news story that has only just broken to a wedding day theme will show the audience just how razor sharp, witty and informed you are.

Displaying 9 topical best man speech jokes

  1. If paying for the honeymoon is proving to be a struggle, you could always take advantage of the UK / US extradition treaty. As Kent businessman Christopher Tappin learnt this week, all you have to do is look a bit suspicious and they’ll whisk you off for a thirty year break in the Texas sunshine.

  2. We’re a step closer this week to equal marriage for all, with Equalities Minister Lynn Featherstone coming out strongly in favour of full legal status for gay married couples. Personally, I’m right behind her. Why should straight people have a monopoly on frustration, disappointment and boredom?

  3. I must admit I could only think about one thing this week. The match of the year. The cheering crowds. The main attraction walking out in white … I always love it when England play Pakistan at cricket.

  4. The Oscars are almost upon us, and I know what awards I’d be handing out if I was in charge. Best Visual Effects goes to (Bride) for conjuring up such a beautiful vision today. Doesn’t she look amazing? And for (Groom), the Lifetime Achievement Award for actually managing to bag her! I can’t see you hitting any higher peaks in the foreseeable future, mate! (Or, if the Groom is small in stature – Best Animated Short.)

  5. Ladies and gentlemen, I will try to be brief. However, I have so many people to thank on the bride and groom’s behalf that you might think you’ve walked into this weekend’s Oscar ceremony by mistake, so please relax and bear with me for a few minutes. Turn on your mobile phone if it helps; keep yourselves entertained. And if anyone texts you any good jokes, could you please forward them to me?

  6. There was tragic news this week when a wonderful, talented personality - someone so many of us have loved and admired for years - went on a 48 hour binge and passed out in the bath. But fortunately Giles recovered from his stag do and made it to the wedding today…

  7. It’s been a great week for the groom. Not only is he marrying the woman of his dreams, he’s been officially identified by the FA as the third most qualified native Englishman to coach the England football team after Harry Redknapp and Jossie out of Jossie’s Giants. And one of them is fictional, so fingers crossed …

  8. Heather Mills has been giving evidence in the phone hacking enquiry this week. Now there’s a marriage that ended badly. I bet Macca regrets ever going down on one knee … so to speak.

  9. Remember, if you’re honeymooning in Greece, take plenty of their new currency. The exchange rate is three pretty shells to one biscuit.