Best man jokes for weddings in Aug-2012

Browse below for timely and topical material in ready-to-use best man speech form. A last minute addition to your script that connects a news story that has only just broken to a wedding day theme will show the audience just how razor sharp, witty and informed you are.

Displaying 12 topical best man speech jokes

  1. It's wonderful to see a man declare his undying love and commitment, and to confirm that he is in the relationship for the long-haul, for better or worse. Yes, Wayne Rooney says he's staying at Old Trafford…..

  2. I’m not saying Darren was nervous, but I did find a half-finished application form to apply for political asylum in Ecuador. Apparently, they’ll take anyone.

  3. I hope you enjoy the music later. We had a Russian rock band booked for earlier. They specialise in church concerts apparently. Can’t remember the name – something about cats ... Anyway, they didn’t show up for one reason or another.

  4. All that planning, all that money – the clothes, the pledges, the magic moments, the exchange of gold, the dreams come true, and now as I stand here, it’s all but over! I mean I know we’ve got the Paralympics in a week or so, but it’s not the same!

  5. They say to be an Olympic 100M finalist, you need to be able to run the distance in less than 10 seconds, but is that really so impressive? I reckon Martin could do it in 8 … if you put a pie and a pint on the finish line.

  6. Ellen told Keith that by their wedding day she wanted him to have the body of an Olympic swimmer. She was thinking of Michael Phelps, but from the look of him, he went for Poseidon.

  7. Doesn’t the bride look beautiful? If Dressage meant what it sounds like, instead of being a fancy way of saying “horse ballet”, the gold would’ve gone to Karen.

  8. Think of today as your Opening Ceremony. You’ve made some wonderful memories, but the hard work follows … and like it or not, however hard you work, nobody’s going to give you a medal.

  9. I’m still amazed that Richard actually managed to worm his way into Paula’s affections. He chased her so hard, he could’ve been a contender for the Olympic Pursuit team. Of course, I’m sure he wouldn’t trade a gold medal for the prize he’s won today.

  10. What a week it’s been! A week to celebrate the match we’ve all been waiting for. And a real result for a man who worked so hard to win his heart’s desire … Murray finally beat Federer at Wimbledon. Get in!

  11. Team GB are well underway in the Olympics now but you have to admit they did get off to a bit of a slow start. In fact at one stage it looked as if Ryan placing a ring on Susanna’s finger today might be the only example of a Brit receiving gold.

  12. It’s an Olympic wedding, so let’s take a moment to consider what the Olympics mean. They remind us that people can achieve the most when they reach the highest. They remind us that whoever we are, we all share the same dreams and hopes, and draw from the same inspiring moments. And like Paula Radcliffe, they remind us – Gary – that when we’re facing the biggest day of our lives, it’s perfectly acceptable to poo ourselves a little bit. It’s not like you just squatted at the altar … .like she would’ve.