Best man jokes for weddings in Jul-2012

Browse below for timely and topical material in ready-to-use best man speech form. A last minute addition to your script that connects a news story that has only just broken to a wedding day theme will show the audience just how razor sharp, witty and informed you are.

Displaying 11 topical best man speech jokes

  1. Concert organisers recently pulled the plug on Bruce Springsteen's microphone after he had been performing for three hours. As a reluctant public speaker I'm hoping the same thing will happen to me after three minutes.

  2. Things are getting easier for home buyers at last, as housing becomes more affordable in at least some areas of Britain. So, best of luck to Claire & Adrian. Where’s it going to be? North Wales, Humberside or the Shetlands?

  3. I know it’s Catherine and Stuart’s wedding day, but all week I’ve only been thinking about what might have been … We were this close to a British Wimbledon champion! So sad …

  4. According to the news, lemurs are the most threatened mammals in the world. But after what Matt said he’d do to me if I mentioned any of his exes in my speech, I’d personally put them at number 2.

  5. There’s speculation that the North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un may have married in secret after he was photographed with a mystery woman at several official functions. Some people think the lady in question is pop singer Hyon Song-wol who had a hit in North Korea with the song “Excellent Horse Like Lady”. If that is the case, let’s hope for Kim’s sake that she doesn’t turn out to be a nag.

  6. Edward without Valerie would be like bread without butter, day without night, or Wimbledon without the crushed dreams of British tennis fans.

  7. A huge thankyou to the people who funded today’s extravaganza. It takes a banker’s bonus to arrange a do like this. And Sally and Steven didn’t have the advantage of being able to conspire with their mates to fix the price of champagne and flowers.

  8. The scientists at Cern have found the elusive Higgs Boson particle, making mankind’s understanding of the physical universe a little more complete. It gives hope to us all, not least Rachel. If they can achieve this in a few short years, then surely by the time they’ve been married for forty or so, she might be able to work out how Simon’s brain works.

  9. NASA’s latest probe, Curiosity, is about to land on the surface of Mars. Waste of money if you ask me. If you want to know what it’s like to be alone and scared in an airless, stifling environment, come back and ask Karen after twenty years of Alex farting under the duvet. Much cheaper.

  10. He's facing questions about exactly what happened, who did what to whom, and who exactly knew just what he was up to. And as well as Peter being grilled about his stag weekend, ex-Barclays boss Bob Diamond is appearing before a committee of MPs...

  11. Euro 2012 was won by Spain who are known as the Red Fury. That term also describes Paul’s attempts to get a natural tan in time for his wedding.