Best man jokes for weddings in January

For weddings January 1-10

At New Year it's customary to make resolutions and forfeit certain things which aren't good for you. Congratulations then to (Groom) on resolving to marry (Bride). Congratulations also on his decision to give up the TV remote control, Saturday nights out with the lads, and his own opinion on things.

For weddings January 1-10

At this time of year it's traditional to take stock of the previous twelve months. For (Groom) this is easy enough. He was drunk for two of these months, asleep for seven, and swore at the TV for the remainder.

For weddings January 1-10

I think you'll join me in my disappointment that (Bride) wasn’t included in the recent New Years Honours list. As we've all witnessed today, here is a woman who has committed her life to those less fortunate than herself. No offence, (Groom).

For weddings January 1-10

As it's January, (Bride) and (Groom) have been making some New Year's Resolutions... the first of which was to spend £20,000 of their hard-earned money on entertaining family and friends for a single day, ensuring their first year as a married couple is one of hardship, destitution and debt. And they'd like to thank you all for helping to support their resolution today...

For weddings January 1-10

This is certainly proving to be a very environmentally friendly wedding as I see that many of you have taken this opportunity to recycle your unwanted Christmas presents (many of them still in their original festive wrapping paper) – and thanks indeed to whoever donated the dishwasher, and no, I’m not referring to the Groom.

For weddings January 1-10

Getting married at New Year makes this year’s party season seem extra special. But you do realise, (Groom) that you’ll never ever have an excuse for forgetting that your anniversary’s coming up.

For weddings January 1-10

This time of year, most people have resolved to live a healthier lifestyle and many of you will have cut out booze altogether for a few weeks, or at least that was (Groom)’s thinking behind the ‘free bar’.

For weddings January 20-26

Scientists have calculated that the most depressing day of the year is the third Monday in January, when a combination of bad weather, credit card bills, failed resolutions and time till the next holiday all add up to utter misery. So having just lived through Blue Monday, what we needed was a day of joy, glamour, style and love - and that's just what we've shared with (Bride) and (Groom) today.

For weddings January 20

Today's wedding coincides with the day back in 1885 when the roller coaster was patented. The roller coaster, a terrifying white knuckle ride, is often compared to marriage. But, (Bride) and (Groom), I think there's a major flaw in that comparison. A roller coaster ride only lasts a few minutes, then you can get off.

For weddings January 20

Today’s wedding coincides with Martin Luther King Day and in many ways (Groom) reminds me of that great man. (Groom) once talked enthusiastically about a dream he'd had, although instead of inspiring all those who heard it, he got us thrown out of Pret A Manger.

For weddings January 20

Today is Martin Luther King Day, and I well remember when (Groom) came to me and told me that he too had a dream – a dream that he would marry (Bride). I advised him to start smaller – aim for world peace, and ask (Bride) to marry him after he'd managed that.

For weddings January 25

Today is Burns Night. The occasion is named after the great Robert Burns, the dashing, witty and beloved poet. (Groom), in many ways you remind me of Burns – Mr Burns from the Simpsons.

For weddings January 26

This special day in the lives of (Groom) and (Bride) happens to coincide with a huge celebration on the other side of the world. Today, January 26, is Australia Day. I mention this because Australia was up for discussion as a possible honeymoon destination, but (Bride) made it quite clear that as far as she was concerned, once they were married (Groom) could forget about her going down under.

For weddings January 31

And for those of you who don't know, this special day in the lives of (Groom) and (Bride) also happens to be Chinese New Year! Or, as they call it in China... 'New Year'. Well, actually, they call it something in Mandarin, but I'm not going to try the accent now... avoiding racial stereotypes was my Chinese New Years' Resolution.