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Best man jokes for weddings in January

Browse below for timely and topical material in ready-to-use best man speech form. A last minute addition to your script that connects a news story that has only just broken to a wedding day theme will show the audience just how razor sharp, witty and informed you are.
Displaying 18 topical best man speech jokes
1 (For weddings January 1-10)
At New Year it's customary to make resolutions and forfeit certain things which aren't good for you. Congratulations then to (Groom) on resolving to marry (Bride). Congratulations also on his decision to give up the TV remote control, Saturday nights out with the lads, and his own opinion on things.
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2 (For weddings January 1-10)
At this time of year it's traditional to take stock of the previous twelve months. For (Groom) this is easy enough. He was drunk for two of these months, asleep for seven, and swore at the TV for the remainder.
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3 (For weddings January 1-10)
I think you'll join me in my disappointment that (Bride) wasn’t included in the recent New Years Honours list. As we've all witnessed today, here is a woman who has committed her life to those less fortunate than herself. No offence, (Groom).
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4 (For weddings January 1-10)
As it's January, (Bride) and (Groom) have been making some New Year's Resolutions... the first of which was to spend £20,000 of their hard-earned money on entertaining family and friends for a single day, ensuring their first year as a married couple is one of hardship, destitution and debt. And they'd like to thank you all for helping to support their resolution today...
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5 (For weddings January 1-10)
This is certainly proving to be a very environmentally friendly wedding as I see that many of you have taken this opportunity to recycle your unwanted Christmas presents (many of them still in their original festive wrapping paper) – and thanks indeed to whoever donated the dishwasher, and no, I’m not referring to the Groom.
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6 (For weddings January 1-10)
Getting married at New Year makes this year’s party season seem extra special. But you do realise, (Groom) that you’ll never ever have an excuse for forgetting that your anniversary’s coming up.
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7 (For weddings January 1-10)
This time of year, most people have resolved to live a healthier lifestyle and many of you will have cut out booze altogether for a few weeks, or at least that was (Groom)’s thinking behind the ‘free bar’.
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8 (For weddings January 1 – February 28)
Now everyone, I'm aware that it's a particularly cold winter's day for a wedding, but don't worry... if anyone is feeling a chill running down their spine it's probably because you've just married (Groom).
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9 (For weddings January 1 – February 28)
Good to see that you've all made it here today despite the wintery conditions, especially those of you who got 6 inches overnight, well done for struggling out of bed.
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10 (For weddings January 1 – February 28)
Of course, in the winter months it's worth noting that what we have before us are two precious and delicate snowflakes – two utterly unique individuals who have somehow landed together on this earth. Of course, (Groom) looks more like a snowball than a snowflake, but the sentiment's the same...
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11 (For weddings January 1 – February 28)
Looks like we may be facing some seriously cold weather for the first time this winter. Hopefully the newlyweds can find a way to keep themselves warm at night.
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12 (For weddings January 20-26)
Scientists have calculated that the most depressing day of the year is the third Monday in January, when a combination of bad weather, credit card bills, failed resolutions and time till the next holiday all add up to utter misery. So having just lived through Blue Monday, what we needed was a day of joy, glamour, style and love - and that's just what we've shared with (Bride) and (Groom) today.
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13 (For weddings January 20)
Today's wedding coincides with the day back in 1885 when the roller coaster was patented. The roller coaster, a terrifying white knuckle ride, is often compared to marriage. But, (Bride) and (Groom), I think there's a major flaw in that comparison. A roller coaster ride only lasts a few minutes, then you can get off.
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14 (For weddings January 20)
Today’s wedding coincides with Martin Luther King Day and in many ways (Groom) reminds me of that great man. (Groom) once talked enthusiastically about a dream he'd had, although instead of inspiring all those who heard it, he got us thrown out of Pret A Manger.
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15 (For weddings January 20)
Today is Martin Luther King Day, and I well remember when (Groom) came to me and told me that he too had a dream – a dream that he would marry (Bride). I advised him to start smaller – aim for world peace, and ask (Bride) to marry him after he'd managed that.
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16 (For weddings January 25)
Today is Burns Night. The occasion is named after the great Robert Burns, the dashing, witty and beloved poet. (Groom), in many ways you remind me of Burns – Mr Burns from the Simpsons.
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17 (For weddings January 26)
This special day in the lives of (Groom) and (Bride) happens to coincide with a huge celebration on the other side of the world. Today, January 26, is Australia Day. I mention this because Australia was up for discussion as a possible honeymoon destination, but (Bride) made it quite clear that as far as she was concerned, once they were married (Groom) could forget about her going down under.
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18 (For weddings January 31)
And for those of you who don't know, this special day in the lives of (Groom) and (Bride) also happens to be Chinese New Year! Or, as they call it in China... 'New Year'. Well, actually, they call it something in Mandarin, but I'm not going to try the accent now... avoiding racial stereotypes was my Chinese New Years' Resolution.
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Archive: Jan-2015 Dec-2014 Nov-2014 Oct-2014 Sep-2014 Aug-2014 Jul-2014 Jun-2014 May-2014 Apr-2014 Mar-2014 Feb-2014 Jan-2014 Dec-2013 Nov-2013 Oct-2013 Sep-2013 Aug-2013 Jul-2013 Jun-2013 May-2013 Apr-2013 Mar-2013 Feb-2013 Jan-2013 Dec-2012 Nov-2012 Oct-2012 Sep-2012 Aug-2012 Jul-2012 Jun-2012 May-2012 Apr-2012 Mar-2012 Feb-2012 Jan-2012 Dec-2011 Nov-2011 Oct-2011 Sep-2011 Aug-2011 Jul-2011 Jun-2011 May-2011 Apr-2011
Seasonal Lines
Impress with some seasonal wedding speech humour.
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