Best man jokes for weddings in Mar-2013

Well, it's been a very emotional day, we've all shed some tears, I've even seen grown men crying... but enough about Girls Aloud splitting up.

Secret courts have been passed into British law for the first time, meaning that in matters of national security a government will theoretically be able to make a case against you without even telling you what the charges and evidence are. Unthinkable in a judicial setting, perhaps, but show me a husband who hasn’t heard the phrase ‘if you don’t know what you’ve done wrong, I’m not going to be the one to tell you!’

The last surviving hero of WWII’s Arctic convoy has been honoured this week at a Buckingham Palace medal ceremony. I don’t suppose (Bride & Groom) can imagine what it must be like to be stuck on a seemingly endless journey through a frigid, hostile wasteland. Constantly on edge … wondering whether your next mistake will be your last … but give ‘em a few years of marriage.

There are many reasons to take a wife. Love … companionship … security … or if you’re a Liberal Democrat MP, someone to take the penalty points on your license.

(Groom)’s got a reputation for tall tales, but if you catch him on a good day, he’s no worse than a supermarket lasagne … 50% bull … give or take.

It is said that a successful married couple will end up so close that they can finish each other’s sentences, just like Chris Huhne and Vicky Pryce.

After many years of happy bachelorhood, the time is finally right for (Groom) to take a wife. He’s got six points on his license and he desperately needs someone to take the fall for his next speeding ticket.

There's speculation that Hollywood star Jennifer Aniston's wedding gown will be a Valentino. Mark here also appreciates a famous brand name with an 'o' on the end for the Big Day: that suit's from Tesco

I hope Helen & Martin know how lucky they are to have found each other. Looking for your soul-mate is like trying to find Chris Huhne's moral conscience or Lance Armstrong’s integrity. Only a faint trail remains …

It's great that David Cameron is doing his bit for getting couples together and protecting the sanctity of marriage... by keeping alcohol prices low.

I know that a lot of people are concerned about the state of the NHS. But Sophie, you can rest easy, because Mark has his own private healthcare. I say private healthcare; what I mean is he has a first aid kit in the shed, along with a very decent set of hacksaws.

You may have seen the story about the man who fell into a sinkhole in Tampa, Florida last week. Well, I'm worried it's given (Groom) ideas. He told me he wanted to make the earth move for (Bride) when they're on their honeymoon…..

Sorry if you can’t hear me. I’ve got a throat like an economy lasagne this week. It’s a little bit hoarse.