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Best man jokes for weddings in September

Browse below for timely and topical material in ready-to-use best man speech form. A last minute addition to your script that connects a news story that has only just broken to a wedding day theme will show the audience just how razor sharp, witty and informed you are.
Displaying 21 topical best man speech jokes
1 (For weddings September 22 - November 30)
This may be an autumn wedding, but (Groom) and (Bride), you still have the spring and summer of your relationship in front of you. You'll know when you've reached autumn because that's when things get shrivelled and start dropping off.
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2 (For weddings September 22 - November 30)
An Autumn wedding always makes me think of nature's bounty and abundant harvests. Not to mention burying my nuts...
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3 (For weddings September 22 - November 30)
I love the idea of an autumn wedding, especially with all the pretty foliage we're surrounded with. I also see (Groom) is getting into the spirit of the season. He started out the morning looking positively green, and with all the compliments he’s been receiving through the day, has been turning deeper and deeper shades of red. No doubt at some point, he'll realise the fate of all leaves, and end up on the floor.
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4 (For weddings September 1)
On this day in 1939, Germany invaded Poland, thus signalling the start of World War II. Not the most auspicious of starts, is it (Groom) and (Bride)?
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5 (For weddings September 2)
On this date in 1792, Mary Wollstonecraft published her groundbreaking book A Vindication of the Rights of Woman. And luckily for you (Groom), in order to celebrate this, (Bride) is going to spend the entire wedding night reading you extracts.
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6 (For weddings September 2)
Now, September the 2nd marks another historic joint venture. It was on this day in 1992 that former enemies Russia and the United States agreed to build an international space station together. Of course, when you’re cooped up in a tin can in orbit above the planet for months on end, you have to make very sure that you’re going to get along with your crewmates. Personally, I think (Bride & Groom) would be perfect. If anything they’d get on better in zero gravity, because (Groom) wouldn’t be able to leave his pants and socks on the floor!
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7 (For weddings September 2)
On September the 2nd 1666, The Great Fire of London destroyed large swathes of the city. It was commemorated with the erection of what was then London’s tallest structure, The Monument… I can’t help drawing parallels with (Bride & Groom)’s wedding day. A red hot night, and in a morning, a massive… no, I can’t say that…
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8 (For weddings September 3)
It’s September the 3rd; 492 years to the day since Ferdinand Magellan led the first successful expedition to circumnavigate the globe. He died en route, unfortunately, but his crew finished the journey for him. Marriage is a bit like that, I suppose. You set out together to see the world, there are adventures and pitfalls, storms and rough patches along the way, but at the end of it, if you’re both still alive and you’ve planned your route properly, you might wind up on a beach in Spain.
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9 (For weddings September 3)
(Groom), I didn’t have you down as someone who knew and respected British Royalist history. It is 362 years to that day that Oliver Cromwell brought an end to the English Civil War by defeating the Royalists at Worcester and I can only attribute (Groom)’s odd behaviour this morning to a form of tribute to Charles II. Why else would he have been hiding in that oak tree?
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10 (For weddings September 4)
On this day in 1965, Help! by the Beatles went to the top of the charts. Which, by coincidence, is the song Linda was originally planning to walk down the aisle too...
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11 (For weddings September 6)
105 years ago today, the American Explorer Robert Peary became the first person to reach the geographical North Pole. Actually, there’s some debate about that. He may have been as much as 97 kilometres off course. Which I suppose isn’t far off in North Pole terms, but (Groom) if I were you, I’d aim for a much smaller margin of error in your marriage. Plan your journey together with the utmost care. Protect her and shelter her. Keep her from the cold at all costs... If you ever want anyone to reach your pole again, that is.
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12 (For weddings September 6)
This is the beginning of a long and happy history of being together for (Bride) and (Groom). But today also marks another instrumental moment in time, for it was on this day in 1909 that the American explorer Robert Peary became the first person to reach the North Pole. I don’t suppose (Groom) can imagine what it must be like to be stuck on a seemingly endless journey through a frigid, hostile wasteland. Constantly on edge … wondering whether your next mistake will be your last … but give him a few years of marriage.
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13 (For weddings September 6)
How can we have a wedding today and not think about the Mayflower pilgrims, leaving Plymouth on September the 6th, 1620, to sail for the New World. There’s a whole new world ahead for (Bride & Groom). One with less scurvy, thankfully, and a significantly diminished fear of witchcraft.
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14 (For weddings September 6-7)
Well, for those who are still naïve, impressionable, and puerile of mind, it's back to school with you on Monday. Nervous, Paul?
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15 (For weddings September 6-7)
I hope you like what I’m wearing today. As you can see, I’ve taken advantage of Primark's back to school clothing range.
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16 (For weddings September 7)
Today’s wedding coincides with the Last Night of the Proms, so here’s hoping that tonight our Bride and Groom will make sweet music together and with any luck (Groom) will be asked for an encore.
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17 (For weddings September 12)
Did you know, it’s 92 years to the day since the Episcopal Church removed the word ‘obey’ from the bride’s wedding vows. The Church of England still gives Brides the choice to include the traditional vow, but for some reason it hasn’t got around to offering the same option for the Groom. Don’t worry, (Groom). We all know who’s in charge.
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18 (For weddings September 14)
On September the 14th, 1984, Joe Kittinger became the first person to fly a balloon solo across the Atlantic Ocean. I thought about booking (Groom) a balloon flight for his stag night, but in the end we just went for some food at the pub. Same result at the end of the day… chicken in a basket.
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19 (For weddings September 19)
121 years ago, New Zealand became the first self-governing country in the world to give the vote to women. Of course, women are still struggling to get their voice heard all over the world, but at least, in the 21st Century, thanks to women like (Bride), so are men.
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20 (For weddings September 28)
It’s September the 28th; the day, in 1066, that a once proud, independent kingdom was overcome by a mightier, more sophisticated leader. A day not unlike today, metaphorically speaking. Let’s hope nobody loses an eye.
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21 (For weddings September 28)
On this day in 1066, William the Conqueror invaded England, and claimed the throne. Paul must have been paying tribute in his own special way this morning, because he claimed the throne for at least two hours.
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Archive: Sep-2014 Aug-2014 Jul-2014 Jun-2014 May-2014 Apr-2014 Mar-2014 Feb-2014 Jan-2014 Dec-2013 Nov-2013 Oct-2013 Sep-2013 Aug-2013 Jul-2013 Jun-2013 May-2013 Apr-2013 Mar-2013 Feb-2013 Jan-2013 Dec-2012 Nov-2012 Oct-2012 Sep-2012 Aug-2012 Jul-2012 Jun-2012 May-2012 Apr-2012 Mar-2012 Feb-2012 Jan-2012 Dec-2011 Nov-2011 Oct-2011 Sep-2011 Aug-2011 Jul-2011 Jun-2011 May-2011 Apr-2011
Seasonal Lines
Impress with some seasonal wedding speech humour.
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