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Best man jokes for weddings in July

Browse below for timely and topical material in ready-to-use best man speech form. A last minute addition to your script that connects a news story that has only just broken to a wedding day theme will show the audience just how razor sharp, witty and informed you are.
Displaying 14 topical best man speech jokes
1 (For weddings July 1-31)
New EU privacy legislation that went into effect this month means that individuals can now apply to have old information about them removed from internet search results. The idea is that nobody should be haunted by their youthful indiscretions. (Groom)’s delighted, needless to say, but don’t worry. I’ve got everything on a hard drive, so just come to me if you want the dirt.
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2 (For weddings July 1)
I keep thinking about Hong Kong. It’s 17 years to the day since Britain handed it back to the Chinese; surrendering a beautiful, vibrant jewel from its paternal care, into the hands of a morally dubious and borderline tyrannical new rule… I don’t know what brought it to mind.
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3 (For weddings July 4 )
(Bride) and (Groom) have chosen a day to marry that is of real historical significance, July 4th – US Independence Day. And, on a related note, this is the also the day (Groom) lost his independence.
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4 (For weddings July 5)
On this day in 1865, William Booth founded the Salvation Army. Many people have seen (Groom) blowing a horn on a street corner to make some money for Christmas… but that’s something different. And it’s really not appropriate for a wedding speech.
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5 (For weddings July 5)
Precisely 68 years ago, at a Paris fashion show, the bikini bathing suit made its public debut. It caused a storm at the time, but these days nobody bats an eyelid at a girl in a bikini. Certainly not (Groom). I’ve been on a beach with him... his eyelids don’t move at all. It’s like they’re propped open with invisible matchsticks.
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6 (For weddings July 6-10)
It's currently the Henley Regatta which in many ways is similar to a wedding. It works best when everyone pulls together although there's always someone wanting to stick their oar in, but let's hope the happy couple aren't a coxless pair.
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7 (For weddings July 9)
July’s a good month for historical dates. On the 9th of July, 1872, John F. Blondel patented the world’s first donut cutter. (Groom) will like that. He’s a big fan of donuts. He told me once that he’d had a dream about eating a giant donut… only, when he woke up, his pile cushion was gone.
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8 (For weddings July 17)
Disneyland - the original one in California - is 59 today! (Bride & Groom) were thinking of honeymooning there and meeting Mickey Mouse in person. But with the big ears and the weird grin, and the funny nose, and the strange squeaky voice, they were worried (Groom) might be a bit scary for the kids, so they’re going to (Honeymoon location) instead.
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9 (For weddings July 21)
It was in July 1969 that man first set foot on the Moon. A great moment. Perhaps mankind’s greatest! But today, (Bride), (Groom) is your moon. He will light your way in the darkness of night. He will pull the tides that carry you across the sea. And, as we all know, you can walk all over him.
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10 (For weddings July 21)
Of course, it was on July the 21st, 1969 that man took his first historic steps on the Moon. I was thinking about that as (Groom) stepped up to take his vows. One small step for (Groom), one giant leap in the expectations of every loser like him that now thinks they might somehow, miraculously, be capable of landing a girl like (Bride)! Well give it up, dorks, this is a fluke!
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11 (For weddings July 23)
Here’s an interesting bit of trivia from Wikipedia... On July the 23rd, 1904, the ice cream cone was invented! Prior to that, Madonna had been cramming them into upturned tea strainers… I think they must mean the ice creams.
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12 (For weddings July 25)
On July the 25th 1999, Lance Armstrong won his first Tour de France. There are some people who think his eventual disgrace is all he’ll be remembered for. Others say it’s those impressive early victories. I asked (Groom) what he thought and he said ‘it’s all bollocks’. I think he was in a bad mood, but he could have a point.
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13 (For weddings July 27)
So, as well as this wedding, today see's the final stage of the Tour de France and as the Best Man I can only hope that (Groom) has the stamina to keep up, doesn't need any performance enhancing drugs and has the ride of his life.
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14 (For weddings July 30)
To think it’s 48 years to the day since England won the World Cup. Almost five decades without a winning score… (Groom) was on course to beat that record before he met (Bride).
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Archive: Jul-2014 Jun-2014 May-2014 Apr-2014 Mar-2014 Feb-2014 Jan-2014 Dec-2013 Nov-2013 Oct-2013 Sep-2013 Aug-2013 Jul-2013 Jun-2013 May-2013 Apr-2013 Mar-2013 Feb-2013 Jan-2013 Dec-2012 Nov-2012 Oct-2012 Sep-2012 Aug-2012 Jul-2012 Jun-2012 May-2012 Apr-2012 Mar-2012 Feb-2012 Jan-2012 Dec-2011 Nov-2011 Oct-2011 Sep-2011 Aug-2011 Jul-2011 Jun-2011 May-2011 Apr-2011
Seasonal Lines
Impress with some seasonal wedding speech humour.
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