Teacher

Paul, those of us here today admire you for many reasons, including your being a professor. You have been entrusted with the invaluable mission of educating, even instilling life skills with our country’s next generation of leaders. I know that is what drew you to your career, and not things like only having to stand in front of a class for two hours a day, be able to take sabbaticals in places like Italy and Spain, and the complete and total absence of drug testing.

Paul is a dedicated and driven teacher – a consummate professional. And much to his worry, he recently discovered that his school had a bit of a drug problem when he found a bag of Viagra pills in his classroom. He immediately reported it to the principal, telling him that he thought it was a one-off incident of boys being boys, rather than a drug ring run by hardened criminals.