Humorous wedding observations

It’s great that everyone is enjoying the wedding today, but I have to say that being best man you get to see behind the scenes – and let me tell you it isn’t pretty. Tears, hissy fits, chucking lipstick and mascara all over the place… luckily, I’ve heard that the bride-to-be was better behaved than the groom.

I'm sorry if I appear overawed by the occasion but I just find this whole thing incredibly moving. I've never seen anything like it. My wife's eyes are burning into the side of my head right now, but what you have to understand, darling, is that I didn't watch much of our own wedding. I was too busy looking for my nerves.

You guys are lucky that you didn't have to see all the goings on at the hotel this morning. Graham wanted to go for a quick cycle and he needed to take a drink with him, but he couldn't find his container to fill up. I tried to help, but everyone got dead stressed at me. He went without it and then Kelly's mum asked me where Graham was. I said, 'I don't know, he's lost his bottle.'