Amusing friendship reminisces

Paul and I first met 10 years ago when we were introduced at a party by a mutual friend, Steve. Very nice guy, Steve, one of my best friends – until I did the Best Man speech at his wedding, of course.

I remember meeting Kevin for the first time in the playground at St Martins. He'd just moved schools and he introduced himself to me and my mates at playtime. I'll never forget when our eyes met. They sparkled like diamonds. I was mesmerised. Some might think that this story is turning out to be a little homoerotic. But no. The reason he had a glint in his eye was that Kev had three shinies and two of them were West Ham - the rarest sticker of the lot.

The reason Rich and I are mates is because our mothers thought we were both weirdo loners and made us play together when we were kids. They weren't wrong, but after an arranged bromance we did become lifelong friends. Honestly, Rich, you're like a brother to me - which makes it extra weird when you say you fancy my mum.