Humorous wedding observations

I’m sure you’ll agree that the ushers today, Dan and Mark, have performed their duties with the professionalism that a disaffected 15 year-old Cineworld employee would be proud of.

I'd like to pay tribute to the three ushers - Callum, Jaiden and Zayn. They did a great job, despite being undermanned and overworked. You see the rule of thumb is that you need one usher for every fifty guests. There are one-hundred of you here today, but since Callum and Jaiden are only wee, we thought they counted as one.

I personally thought Robert was an excellent choice of usher today, but apparently some of the guests disagreed. You see it was his job to round up the guests for the post-wedding photographs, and boy was he good at it. He used his experience from the farm to good effect. The whistling was very effective. But I don't think Aunty's Margaret and Yvette enjoyed being herded into a corner of the field like that.