Classic best man speech jokes
Displaying 21 to 30 of 109 classic best man speech jokes
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Now, I have no idea why my position here tonight is called the Best Man. If I’m the Best Man, how come Paul’s the one getting married?
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Paul tried to turn me onto the idea of being his best man by saying I could pretend to be his secret bodyguard for the day. Incidentally, if anyone has the urge to fire a gun at Paul, by all means do. I’m intrigued to see whether or not I’d take a bullet for him.
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I believe that marriage is a wonderful thing for Paul. It will teach him loyalty, self-restraint and control. And it will develop in him a sense of responsibility, fair play and so many other qualities he wouldn't need if he had just stayed single.
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Linda has already vastly improved Paul as a person. Well, I say that – it might just be that since he’s been with her, I’ve seen less of him.
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Now it's time for a little participation from the bride and groom. Linda, if I can ask you to place your hand flat on the table. Now Paul, if you would place your hand directly on top of Linda's. Make the most of it, mate. That's the last time you'll ever have the upper hand.
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How best to sum up the stag party? I know… are you all familiar with the movie The Hangover? Well, we watched that.
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Before proposing, Paul went to ask Linda's father for her hand in marriage. He said that it was fine by him, providing Paul took the hand that had spent 20 years fishing into his wallet!
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Paul’s engagement to Linda was by all accounts, sudden and surprising. A girl had never accepted his Facebook friend request before, so he thought he’d see how far he could push it.
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Paul, you will be given loads of advice from the married men here today, so let me throw in my two pennies’ worth that should put you in good standing; Always remember that it's vitally important to get along with your Mother in Law. I didn’t speak to mine for the first two years of my marriage. It wasn’t that I didn’t like her - I was just too polite to interrupt.
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I feel that now, for what it’s worth, I should give the newlyweds my own little piece of advice. Don’t do it! Oh sorry, that was last week’s advice. Er…
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Linda, you're a wonderful woman, who deserves a wonderful husband. And I'm not going to rest until I get to the bottom of what's gone wrong here.
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The bride looks utterly incredible today. So much so that when she was at the altar, the vicar asked her if she realized she was overqualified for the job.
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Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen - Before I came here today one of my good friends gave me some advice on giving this speech. He said think of it like walking through a nudist camp, it’s only hard for the first minute.
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First of all, I’d like to thank Paul for allowing me the privilege of being his best man. It seems to be genetically encoded in all men to choose the friend with the most socially unacceptable traits to get up here. Finally, someone appreciates me for who I am.
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I'd like to assure you all, in my capacity as best man, that we are unlikely to have any problems this evening with any of Paul's ex girlfriends showing up. I think they are all out celebrating.
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Having known the groom since we were young, I do of course know one or two dark secrets about his past lives, but I wouldn’t be cruel or stupid enough to divulge any of these to you today. All I can say is that I’m overjoyed Paul has asked me to be his best man for the fourth time running.
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Paul is the most generous friend anyone could ask for. Here is a man whose philanthropy knows no bounds. Magnanimous should be his middle name. He’ll do anything for me. He even wrote a section of this speech.
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Let me be the first to congratulate the groom on a wonderful speech. Your words were very moving and I’m certain your in-laws no longer regret inviting you to the wedding.
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I’d like to wish you a very happy marriage, and a memorable honeymoon. If anyone wants to know the proper definition of a honeymoon, it's that brief but cherished period between 'I do' and 'You’d better.'
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Seeing you two get married today has made me think I would like to renew my wedding vows with my own wife. I say renew, I mean rewrite. I’m sure we both have a few additional clauses we’d like to get written in.