Squash

Paul was seven years old when he first picked up a squash racket, the only other ball sport he's been playing for 24 years.

What can I say about Paul that most of you don’t already know? Quite a lot, but he wouldn’t thank me for it. There is one thing I can tell you. Paul is exceptionally competitive. When he plays sport he expects to win. Not only that, he expects you to lose. Even worse, he expects you not to mind losing to him. Trouble is, on the squah court he’s a menace. He swings his racket dangerously and rushes into net. This has caused us a few interesting moments over the years, especially when I started claiming a point for every time he swore – and two points if he called me a ‘Jammy Tw?t’.