Tongue-in-cheek roast

It is my pleasure to welcome all of you here. My family and I are overwhelmed by your show of love and support for my brother Paul, and his gorgeous bride, Linda. As we give them a proper sendoff tonight, each one of us stands witness to history. Yes, the greatest party animal this side of the Mississippi is finally caged. I’m not sure if I should congratulate his new bride or console her, so I will simply say Linda, good luck! The “for better or worse” part of your marriage starts now.

Ladies and gentlemen, if there's anybody here this afternoon who's feeling nervous, apprehensive and queasy at the thought of what lies ahead, it's probably because you have just got married to Paul Wilson.