Self deprecating icebreaker

Ladies and gentlemen, before starting, there is a disclaimer - my speech does not contain any original material so, if anyone is offended, it’s got nothing to do with me.

Right, I’d just like to start by laying down a couple of rules. First, no heckling please. And secondly, if you do have a mobile phone…please, leave it switched on; keep yourselves entertained. I think if you keep your spirits high and your expectations low, everyone will be happy.