"May I have your attention please? That includes the sexy, stunning blond in the mini skirt who's flirting with the band. Okay, so that was a 'trick' to get your attention..."
"Ladies and gentlemen, if there's anybody here this afternoon who's feeling nervous, apprehensive and queasy at the thought of what lies ahead, it's probably because you just married my brother..."
"Now, before I start, the hotel manager has asked me to request that, for reasons of health and safety, no one gets up on top of the chairs and tables during my standing ovation..."
"Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. I am up here to say a few thank yous, make a toast, sing the groom's praises and tell you all about his good points. The first two things are fine, but unfortunately I can't sing and I won't lie..."
