Opening lines

It’s wonderfully refreshing to be stood up here wearing a suit, in front of an audience of friends and strangers, without there being a verdict at the end of it.

Rather than purchasing a random household item that'll likely gather dust, I plumped for a wedding gift which fits Donna and Mike's relationship down to the ground. I adopted a goat in their names, because what is Mike if not Donna's pet project.

Given that Simon and Sian met at my wedding, I imagine many of you were present when they had their first chat, their first kiss and what turned out to be their first date. Hopefully that's where your association ended, unless they're into some really kinky stuff I don't know about. If so, why wasn't I invited?