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It's customary that the best man's speech contains a history lesson involving some major event that took place on the groom's birthday. Well, for those of you that don't know, Paul's birthday is on July 4th. Now, I'm no historian but I did find one event that took place on that day - US independence. And, on a related note, July 27th is the day Paul lost his independence. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Paul was born on 9th January 1976, just 24 hours after a whole host of famous and interesting people - musical luminaries such as Bowie and Elvis, and the modern day Einstein, Stephen Hawking - all of whom share a birthday on January 8th. So the 8th must have been a very busy and ambitious day in God's calendar, and very draining on his human talent pool - which explains a lot about young Paul here. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Ironically for mankind, Paul was born in a year of great human achievement. Indeed, 1960 was the year in which scientists introduced the epidural into medicine as a means to ease the pain of childbirth. For all who know Paul, it is we who have been suffering that displaced pain ever since. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Paul's offical date of birth is the 7th March 1977, but the precise details, including the location, were shrouded in mystery. That was until leaks to a national newspaper revealed a top secret government project in which monkey genes were being introduced into human babies to improve their appearance. I need hardly comment that the experiment went tragically wrong [gesture towards Paul with hand]. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Paul was born in 1960, which coincided with the film release of 'Psycho' & 'The Entertainer'. It was also the year in which the first contraceptive pill was properly introduced in the UK, although the one shame there was that it wasn't avaliable until about 2 months after Paul was conceived. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Starting form the beginning, Paul was born on 26th July 1976. I tried to find out if there was anything of interest that also happened that day, but it turns out there was nothing. So it appears that all these years Paul’s been right… the world does revolve around him. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Let me tell you about Paul. Paul was born on 31st October 1972, which as you are probably all aware, is also Halloween. And, some 29 years later, the jury are still out as to whether he was a trick or a treat. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Paul was born on 15th January 1975. I did some research and found that Paul shares the same birth-date with a couple of very famous individuals who, as a pair, succinctly summarise the two voices that live inside Paul's head. The first, representing the caring, thoughtful, and sensitive Paul is none other than Martin Luther King. The second, is Edward Teller, the father of the Hydrogen bomb. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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When writing this speech a friend of mine told me about a website he’d discovered. You type in a date and it produces a list of famous things that happened that day throughout history. Simple enough!
The idea is to brighten up your speech by revealing some happy or important events that took place the day the bridegroom was born.
So I entered August 31st, and this is what I got …
• The black plague strikes London
• Jack the Ripper claims his first victim
• Germany invades Poland
So Paul, I guess you’re just the latest in a long line of disasters! >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Researching into Paul’s birthday I was delighted to learn that he shares the day with Sue Pollard of ‘Hi De Hi’ fame! So, that crush he had on her wasn’t so bizarre after all. In fact, Paul’s birth in Edinburgh was celebrated across the nation – no exaggeration – although it did coincide with the 8th anniversary of the introduction of Duty free to Scotland. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Paul was born on the 7th July 1972. I did some research on this date and discovered the following:
The Japanese invaded China
Booby brown was arrested for drunk driving
The Godfather film was released
Mr men books were first published
So I guess Paul, you’re the latest in a long line of boring facts. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Paul was born in 1965. Now, the only two memorable things I can find that happened in 1965 were that Brooke Shields was born, and the Rolling Stones were fined £5 for urinating against a wall. I couldn't for the life of me find a link between Paul Wilson and Brooke Shields. The Rolling Stones, urinating and walls – that was more straightforward. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Two things happened in 1977, the year Paul was born, that struck me as a remarkable coincidence. The British press first coined the term ‘junk food’, and it was also the driest summer on record since 1765 – and almost as dry as the Student Union bar after Paul and the rest of the Rugby team had spent the evening there. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Now, most of you here will assume that Paul is an honest, straight-down-the-line sort of guy, and it’s not for me to question his integrity here today – but I should mention that he was born in August 1963, the same week as the Great Train Robbery. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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I was curious to see that Paul was born in 1969, the same year as Britain’s first legal and official nudist beach was declared. It may explain why the monkeys in London zoo are always so excited to see him. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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A good trick I read about for best man speeches is to find out if anything strange or coincidental happened on the groom’s date of birth, and then somehow to link the two together. But it seems that 13th May 1974 was a pretty unremarkable day on Planet Earth. So plan B was to get in touch with Paul’s mum and to see if she could lend me some photos which I could use to embarrass Paul. Sue kindly supplied the best part of an entire album of the young Paul between the ages of three and four. And amongst them were some humiliating beach and bathroom shots. But even after taking them to a professional resizing lab for today, you just still couldn’t see a thing. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Paul will probably be interested to know that he shares his birthday with none other than … Pamela Anderson. But that is certainly all they will share – unless our Paul here continues his lateral expansion, in which case one of Pammy’s treble-D bras could soon be needed. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Paul Wilson was born on 7th April 1968 and is the oldest of the three of us – so Mum and Dad obviously thought they could do better. Looking at him today, its not too big a stretch of imagination to say that he was an extremely ugly baby. His middle name is Phillip, named after Prince Phillip. This must explain why every time he opens his mouth, he manages to put his foot in it. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Paul was born in June 1976, a year which saw the first ever team from the then "Beaser Homes League" qualify for the 5th round of the FA cup. And here we are again, 27 years later, another no-hoper having done astonishingly well. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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I think it's an interesting fact that this day 70 years ago was the day on which the famous Alcatraz prison, in San Francisco harbour, accepted its first inmates. Young men were taken away from their families to Alcatraz where they led a life of solitary confinement from which there was no escape. They were endlessly tortured, humiliated, constantly and basically forced to do whatever their masters wanted. I'm sure that Linda’s choice of wedding day was purely a co-incidence. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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I took the trouble to find out what important events occurred in 1974, so that Linda might at least get an idea of what was happening in the world when her husband was born. Ladies and gentlemen, I can reveal that in 1974, the three-day working week was introduced and Paul has stuck to it religiously throughout his life. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Paul was born on 13th October 1974 in a record time of 40 minutes, and I think that it is true to say that he hasn't slowed down since. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Linda was born in 1973 - the 7th October to be precise. Did you know that the Chopper bike, with the big handlebars and the high-backed seat, was at the height of its popularity in that year. If the stories I've heard about the hen night are true, she still has a very keen interest in choppers but apparently it has nothing to do with bicycles. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Paul and Linda have chosen a day to marry that may be of real historical significance. On this day in 1976, the worst earthquake in modern times was recorded in China. A massive 8.2 on the Richter scale. I'm sure that I speak for us all – particularly those staying in this hotel - in hoping that this isn't repeated tonight during the consummation of the marriage. There have also been a number of chart toppers on this very day, from which I will leave to draw your own conclusions: ‘Hard Headed Woman’ by Elvis, ‘Hanky Panky’ by Tommy James & The Shondells, ‘You Don't Have To Say You Love Me’ by Dusty Springfield, and probably the most apt of them all, ‘My True Love by Jack Scott’. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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The main theme of my speech is this: why marry Paul? What is so special about him? Over the last few months, I've made extensive investigations and I think I've found the answer. Lets go back to the beginning, and 1969 – the year of the ‘2s’: two planes had their maiden voyage (Concorde & the 747), two gangsters were imprisoned (the Kray twins), the QE2 had her maiden voyage, two famous ears became the Prince of Wales, and failing to clear up dog mess carried a fine and Paul Wilson was born. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Before a get on to demolishing my friend Paul, it is worth noting that the year Paul was born is the same year that the American Express Credit Card was launched – something Linda is very expert in using. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Paul came into the world on 31st January 1971. When he was born, the nurse held him up and commented on how much he looked like his Dad. But she then turned him the right way up and all was well. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Interestingly enough, soon after Paul was born in 1974, free family planning became available on the NHS. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Paul was born on the 23rd March 1972. When he came into this world he was about the size of a small child. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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I'll now say a few words about the great man, Paul Wilson. You'll notice the emphasis on the word ‘few’. He was born on the 31st May 1969 and will no doubt be pleased to know that he shares his birthday with Brooke Shields and Pamela Anderson, but that's all he will ever share with them. Although one of them also has a fondness for wearing red bikinis. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Paul was born in 1969, which was the same year as man first landed on the moon. Now, this won't seem particularly relevant until you've seen him take to the dance floor a bit later. 1969 was also the year that Concorde made its first supersonic flight. The connection may become apparent later on when you see the speed of Paul's flight from the bar when it's his round! >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Paul was born in 1976, a significant year in history. It’s a year which not only saw the invention of the advanced Microchip, but also had the hottest summer on record, which apparently significantly reduced the IQ of all children born that year. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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I read somewhere that you can flesh out your speech by researching who was born on the same day as the groom, and make some sort of link. Well, Paul shares a birthday with Maggie Smith (didn't she do Tomorrow's World?), Richard Clayderman (he played the piano in ‘The Towering Inferno’) and Terry Butcher (just another footballer, if I recall). So not much there then. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Paul Wilson was born on 19th November 1973. Paul's life has been very influenced by the year he was born. 1973 saw the release of ‘The Exorcist’, and I'm sure the vomiting scene rings a bell with anyone who's been drinking with him. The Osmonds were the best-selling pop group, which I think goes some way to explaining Paul's dress sense and his unique style of dancing. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Paul was born in April 12th 1975, the same day as the celebrity chef Jamie Oliver. Interestingly, during Paul's infant years his ambition was also to become a chef. You'll be glad to hear his ambition became a reality, but only when Paul cooks for himself. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Paul, you might not know this, but you share a birthday with Yuri Gagarin, the famous Russian Cosmanout. It appears you've both spent some time off the planet during your lives. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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I had a look at the songs which were number 1 in the charts on this day in history, and was surprised to find the following: Madonna had a number 1 on this day in history called [look at groom] ‘Like A Virgin’. And Hall & Oats had a number 1 this day in history called [look at bride] ‘Man-eater’. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Paul & Linda share their wedding day with the Grand National - and these are genuine horses that ran in today's race. For Linda, there’s ‘Beau’, ‘You're A GoodUn’ and ‘Supreme Charm’. I was really struggling to find one for Paul and then I spotted it: number 16, the 9-1 second favourite, ‘Blowing Wind’. Surprisingly enough, it was just above number 18, ‘Wicked Crack’, but I'll move swiftly on. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Paul was born on the 14th September 1973, coming prematurely. At least he started as he meant to go on. I typed his birthday into an internet search, and was surprised to discover that during the month Paul was born, there was a massive increase in UFO sightings all over the world, except for a few dates, including the 14th. Now I'm not saying you were an ugly baby, Paul, but anybody that can keep an alien invasion at bay has certainly got something unusual. I would just like to take this opportunity to let my wife know that this was what I was looking at on the internet whenever I stayed up after her.. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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As well as Paul & Linda's wedding, it is also the case today that Swindon Town lost 1-0 to QPR. And looking around the room, it would appear that there may have been a lower than average attendance at the ground, especially as one of Swindon Town's half dozen or so season ticket holders has decided to join us here. I was planning to provide a full run down of today's football results for those of you who were not sharp enough to bring a pocket radio, but in the interests of those with money on the best man's speech not lasting more than five minutes, I have decided against it. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Well, Paul was born on August 27th 1972 and shares his birthday with Confucius, the great Chinese philosopher, two American presidents and Mother Teresa. On that day in history "Born to be Wild" was topping the charts, which probably says more about his character than the people who share his birthday. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Interestingly, the top three films the year Paul was born, 1973, are - in reverse order: ‘The Getaway’, ‘Deliverance’, and ‘The Poseidon Adventure’. Other films of note include ‘Enter the Dragon’ and ‘The Exorcist’. I’ll leave you to mull that over for a while. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Paul was born in 1969, the same year that Jackie Stewart won the Formula 1 World Championship and Ford launched the Anglia. It was also the year that the 50 pence piece was introduced - coincidentally, Paul only needs 50 pence now to have that sprig of hair cut. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Starting from the beginning, Paul was born on 24th April 1972. I did try to link this with some big world event, but it seems that nothing else happened that day. So I thought I'd best ask Paul’s mother if I could borrow some embarrassing pictures that she might have. She replied: "Oh, do you want one where he's lying naked on the changing mat"? But, I'm sorry Paul, that photo is still in their camera along with your recent trip to the London Eye. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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The best man speech is an appropriate time to talk about some of Paul's life and confirm Linda's relatives’ worst fears. Paul was born on May 25th 1973, giving rise to two immediate ironies. The first is that 1973 was the Chinese year of the Ox - how appropriate that he should marry Linda, who was raised on a beef farm. This will have acclimatised her to Paul’s strange smells and constant feeding. Strange smells also lead me to the second irony. What a coincidence that on the same day in 1915, poison gas was used in warfare for the very first time. Without going into detail, the following words can be linked: Paul, strange smells, poison gas, crime against humanity. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Paul was born in 1968, the year that scientist's devised the Epidural to ease the pain of childbirth, and whilst his mother was one of the lucky first to experience this, Paul has been a pain ever since ... as I will explain. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Paul Wilson came into our world in 1973, the year of the Watergate scandal and the year the film 'the Exorcist' was made. So it's true what they say, these things always happen in threes. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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31 years ago last February, a truly wonderful event took place - Crystal Palace didn't get relegated. This date also marked the birth of Paul Wilson, although he’s been known by many names over the years - Knobboy, Cheeseman, Scampi and, of course, Spunky. But it’s a family occasion, so I can’t give you any reasons why. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I'll start at the beginning.
Paul was born 15th December 1971 at Paddington Hospital and weighed just 7lb 1oz, after coming prematurely (apparently no change there then). Thinking about it, he's always been sexually backwards – once when quizzed by a doctor on why he thought he kept being sick and couldn't go to school, he replied, “ I think I'm pregnant”. Thankfully he wasn't. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Since we must speak well of the dead, our only chance to knock people is while they are still alive - so here goes. Paul will no doubt be pleased to know that if he had been 60 years older, he would have shared his birthday with the sinking of the Titanic. This may explain why he doesn't like going down on old wrecks. Did you hear that, Jimmy? That's twenty quid you owe me - I knew I'd find a way to sneak that gag in. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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And now, I have the opportunity (and audience) to speak a little a bit about the groom. Well, I first thought it would be appropriate for me to give some background about Paul Wilson. He was born on February 10th 1975, the same year that the Rocky Horror Picture Show was released. It’s funny to think, 26 years later, he would be dressing up as a woman on his stag night just like in the film. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Paul shares his birthday with none other that Albert Einstein, who himself was born some 100 years before. Unfortunately, it appears that Paul doesn’t share any of Albert’s brains. In fact, some say he has no brain at all. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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August 3rd is a special day in history. Just as Paul and Linda are starting their voyage of life together, Christopher Columbus did a similar feat in 1492 as he set sail for China, India and Asia. Let's hope that Paul and Linda's voyage is just as exciting and exotic. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Paul was born in Bristol on the 6th January 1976. I did try to link this with some big world event, but it seems that nothing of much significance happened on a global scale. However, the staff at Bristol Royal Infirmary still refer to it as 'Monkey Birth Tuesday'. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Paul began life in 1973, so I took the opportunity to see what else happened that year. It was actually the year that the disposable lighter was invented. This wasn’t significant at the time, but the lighter was to become one of Paul's closest friends, along with Mr Benson and Mr Hedges. He is rarely seen without them today. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Well, Paul was born on October 29, 1974 - the year that Gillette launched disposable razors, something Paul used for the first time today. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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First, you probably know that Paul was born in 1975, which happens to be the same year the disposable lighter was invented – an invention that in his teenage years Paul would find indispensable. But aside from that one small indiscretion, which was brought under control before there was any loss of life – and which he was never actually charged with, Paul has lived an exemplary, if not boring life. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Paul was born on 15th September 1973, and was soon recognised to be the more ugly of the two Wilson brothers. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Let me tell you something about Paul. He was born May 4th 1979, the same year female nudity first appeared on UK television screens and Great Britain voted in its first female Prime Minister. So it seems Paul was born at a time of many changes, some of which may have shaped the way he has developed – and I’m not talking about Margaret Thatcher. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Today, 22nd of October, is a very special day for Paul and Linda, and it’s an important day for a number of other reasons. Here’s what I’ve discovered:
The first parachute jump was attempted on the 22nd of October 1797. It occurred to me that there were some obvious parallels between that act and the actions of Paul and Linda today.
* On both occasions a commitment was made that would last a lifetime, albeit in one case that lifetime might have only been about 30 seconds.
* An amazing level of trust was bestowed by the parties involved for their future happiness.
* And there was a true spirit of adventure displayed, a willingness to enter a new chapter in their life and discover what lay ahead.
And I for one watched today's ceremony with every bit of awe and admiration felt by the spectators at that parachute jump 200 years ago. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Paul shares his birthday, the 2nd of April, with a famous person – the fairytale writer Hans Christian Anderson. So it’s only fitting that their courtship should culminate with a fairytale wedding here today! >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Paul was born back in 1978. Funnily enough, this was the year the Smurfs first appeared on television which may perhaps explain Paul’s life long obsession with Smurfette.....and several of the male smurfs. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Paul finally made an appearance in February 1973. I thought it would be a good to dig out some of the major world events that occurred in that year, but found that absolutely nothing happened at all – except VAT was introduced and driving was banned on Sundays in Holland. It was also in this year that I met Paul. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Today is a momentous day in the life of Paul and Linda – a millstone … sorry, a milestone in their life together. I did some research into historical events that happened today, and surprisingly I could find only one major event in history. In 1987 a West German Pilot Landed in Red Square after a 700 mile flight from Stockholm. Apparently he was due to marry a Swedish girl that same afternoon. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Paul was born in December 1973, in Bristol, where he spent most of his formative years. It is interesting to note that shortly after he was born, all Bristol hospitals were closed for fear that an infection causing male babies to have exceptionally small genitalia was spreading. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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Paul Wilson was born on the 25th March 1978, and shares his birthday with Elton John. So, one of them is rotund, ugly, with hair problems…..and the other….is Elton John. >>Add to clipboard<< |
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