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Classic best man speech jokes

Displaying 21 to 30 of 109 classic best man speech jokes Back 10 Records Next 10 Records
21 Now, I have no idea why my position here tonight is called the Best Man. If I’m the Best Man, how come Paul’s the one getting married?
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22 I believe that marriage is a wonderful thing for Paul. It will teach him loyalty, self-restraint and control. And it will develop in him a sense of responsibility, fair play and so many other qualities he wouldn't need if he had just stayed single.
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23 Now it's time for a little participation from the bride and groom. Linda, if I can ask you to place your hand flat on the table. Now Paul, if you would place your hand directly on top of Linda's. Make the most of it, mate. That's the last time you'll ever have the upper hand.
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24 Before proposing, Paul went to ask Linda's father for her hand in marriage. He said that it was fine by him, providing Paul took the hand that had spent 20 years fishing into his wallet!
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25 Paul, you will be given loads of advice from the married men here today, so let me throw in my two pennies’ worth that should put you in good standing; Always remember that it's vitally important to get along with your Mother in Law. I didn’t speak to mine for the first two years of my marriage. It wasn’t that I didn’t like her - I was just too polite to interrupt.
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26 Linda, you're a wonderful woman, who deserves a wonderful husband. And I'm not going to rest until I get to the bottom of what's gone wrong here.
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27 Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen - Before I came here today one of my good friends gave me some advice on giving this speech. He said think of it like walking through a nudist camp, it’s only hard for the first minute.
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28 I'd like to assure you all, in my capacity as best man, that we are unlikely to have any problems this evening with any of Paul's ex girlfriends showing up. I think they are all out celebrating.
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29 Paul is the most generous friend anyone could ask for. Here is a man whose philanthropy knows no bounds. Magnanimous should be his middle name. He’ll do anything for me. He even wrote a section of this speech.
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30 I’d like to wish you a very happy marriage, and a memorable honeymoon. If anyone wants to know the proper definition of a honeymoon, it's that brief but cherished period between 'I do' and 'You’d better.'
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What are 'Classic' Lines?
They are proven one-liners and stories that have never failed to raise a laugh from a wedding audience.
Example Speeches
This site contains over 100 ready-made best man speeches covering every conceivable:
groom (e.g. party animal),
best man (e.g. work friend)
and wedding (e.g. informal).
MUST SEE:
Prince Harry's Best Man Speech (1st draft)Featured Speech
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