Give an amusing present

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  1. Iā€™d like to present the newlyweds with a gift. The gift is soft, gentle, long and strong ā€“ which is what I hope their marriage will be ā€“ and comes in a twin pack to represent the couple. [Present the gift to the groom ā€“ a twin pack of toilet paper]

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  2. In the spirit of giving and receiving gifts I would like to take this opportunity to present the bride and groom with a rather belated housewarming present to welcome family and friends into their new home. (Hold up door mat which has written on it BEWARE OF THE WIFE).

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