Speech Ideas

Recently added best man material

To keep all our best man speech content current, we add brand new material to the site every day, with all content written by a variety of professional comic, script and speech writers. Here's just a small selection of this month's new lines, now added to our ever-expanding speech content database:

(A sample of the new lines we've added in May)

  1. [Opening lines / Laddish icebreaker]

    Just before I start … (yawn). Sorry, at midnight last night, Paul insisted on one final trip to the Golden Triangle massage parlour. I waited in the car for him, but it was still a late night.

  2. [Newlywed compliments / Long romance]

    Let’s be honest, it was a pretty long engagement ... When I found out Linda & Paul had actually set a date it was a bit like finding out Lindsay Lohan had done a shoot for Playboy. It was a pleasant surprise, but I hadn’t given it any serious thought for years …

  3. [Opening lines / Icebreaker for a single best man]

    When Paul first asked me to be the best man at his wedding, it got me thinking that perhaps I should settle down. It is not that I haven’t been trying. My most recent girlfriend I dated for six years – and then the nagging started: ‘I want to know your name.’ I hate that!

  4. [Opening lines / Icebreaker for a nervous best man]

    Some people have a public fear of speaking, but fortunately I’m not one of them. I just have a phobia of churches, suits, hats, flowers, music, commitment, love and iced cakes of above-average height.

  5. [Thank yous / To all contributors]

    Everyone has made their contribution towards ensuring this wedding was such a huge success. The guests have all brought wonderful gifts. The parents have contributed financially. The bride and bridesmaids have been working around the clock to make sure everything is in place. I’m doing this incredible speech. And Paul… well you just sit there looking pretty, don’t you.

  6. [Revealing a funny groom trait / Law breaker]

    Anybody who has known Paul for a while will know that, in the past, he has repeatedly fought the law… and the law has repeatedly won. In fact, it’s now at the point that if he puts a toe out of line, the powers-that-be will come down on him like a ton of bricks. Still, that’s marriage for you.

  7. [Revealing a funny groom trait / Facebook/Twitter obsessed]

    Paul, I do have to wonder how seriously you’re taking this whole wedding. As an avid follower of your Twitter account, I’m disconcerted to see you haven’t bothered to Tweet once today! Not even a ‘Hashtag Got Her!’

  8. [Mocking groom’s hobbies / Sailing]

    Paul actually wanted this wedding to be aboard a boat, but knowing his navigational skills, I advised against it. A marriage should never begin on the rocks.

  9. [Mocking groom’s hobbies / Writing]

    Paul is an extremely accomplished writer and among his great works are three startlingly brilliant instalments of poetry, an epic romance novel, and the speech that he wrote for me today.

  10. [Mocking groom’s career / Self employed]

    One of the benefits of being self-employed is that you can claim certain things back as work expenses. Paul would be ever so grateful, therefore, if you could all treat today as a business conference.